Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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