I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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