I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
