how can u be prego again
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
