i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
