The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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