Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
