Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
