Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
