Do vagina's smell?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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