woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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