I looked at my own cervix.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
