Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
