just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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