Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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