those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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