Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
