i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
