so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
