oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm always down for nudity.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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