Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you win again, gameday.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
