So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
