Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
