Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
