That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
