He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
