dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
