mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need water and some morals
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
