Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
