Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
pray to the hookup gods
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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