oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
