i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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