i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
