Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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