Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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