What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
