So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
