I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
