"it" just moved
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
