I just saw a hot homeless man
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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