just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How does it feel to date your dad?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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