on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
