yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
