True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
