Apparently you make a good broom.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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