babies were throwing up all over the place
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
