The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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