how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
