Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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