we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
