i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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