Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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