You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
