ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
