Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Randomize
