Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
