is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
