$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
