That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
