I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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