That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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